bomb teh blogosphere

Insults

2009-06-03T03:15:00.000+10:00

Sometimes I run out of insults to throw at people, so I just consult this table that leaves me with fresh insults to choose from.

Hints to Drinking.

2009-05-27T19:38:00.000+10:00

Worried about what to drink? Look at the picture in the menu and compare it to those found in this handy guide.

How to Win At Trivia

2009-05-20T22:34:00.002+10:00

Even bonus points are not awarded, a good answer involving sexual references will change the adjudicator'[s] mind.

masquerade ball

2009-05-13T18:05:00.000+10:00

yeah its tomorrow should be good fun.

oh the hispanics

2009-05-06T19:51:00.000+10:00

yeah it is an alternate ending

i just don't want to okay?

2009-04-29T20:46:00.001+10:00

yeah, it happened. they're making us do it next semester for JPL1020 (japanese) sigh.

Make My Day

2009-04-22T23:54:00.002+10:00

Despite doing the practical some 10 hours ago, I think I can still smell the ammonia in my body. Ugh.

On another note, click here. Yes, they are being serious. I thought it was completely sarcastic, but I was wrong.

toilet talk

2009-04-15T13:47:00.000+10:00

male counterparts, now that you understand, please stop complaining.

Fuckstaposition

2009-04-08T23:53:00.001+10:00

I watched Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging today. It sucked. The only thing cool about it were the accents of the 'actors'. It mostly sucked though. Here are three reasons why.

2009-04-01T20:00:00.002+11:00

UGH I HATE THESE THINGS. Okay mainly because the guy I saw had an iPhone and YOU DO NOT ABUSE YOUR iPHONE BY HOOKING IT UP WITH A HEADSET. He was holding the phone whilst talking. What's wrong with just holding the phone to your ear? Using the headset drains the battery dammit. Also he looked slightly retarded. And a High School student. P.S. Manda, Mary the Paralegal is from Season 1.

"i had clients riding me all day, i mean talk about anal"

2009-03-25T22:11:00.003+11:00

haven't you noticed that all psychology teachers are young and female and somewhat attractive and you look at them and you think they belong to the arts faculty what are they doing here teaching a "science" unit and then they think back to you via mental telepathy that they want to be fencesitters so that they can appear smart like people from the science faculty yet be incredibly sassy and suave like people from the arts department and have you noticed students who study psychology also act like that too nah i'm just kidding seriously you budding psychologists are great i didn't meant to write two comics regarding the stigma of psychology but c'mon you're taught about theories which contradict each other all the time don't you find that frustrating wow that's a really long rant i really have nothing against people who do psychology i apologise to the psychology-related community.

anything to avoid a 5 hour wait at uni

2009-03-18T20:37:00.000+11:00

now in 24 bit colour.

Judith Lucy

2009-03-11T21:46:00.003+11:00

I have nothing against Judith Lucy and feminist humour: as separate entities. However, once you put them together, you have yourself a massive pit of stupid. I saw a poster for her new show and the only thing I can think of is her babbling on about her vagina.

$20 says Amanda forgot about the comic.

Twilight

2009-03-04T16:14:00.002+11:00

Yes, I do realise that women don't bleed out torrents of blood when they have their period. Anyway, this was a suggestion offered to me by a friend, and I've merely comicised it. Also, character in comic does not only represent Bella, but every other female in the book too. I feel some kinky fan-fiction coming along...

there's nothing wrong with excessive adipose tissue in your gluteus maximus

2009-02-25T16:29:00.000+11:00

if you ever fall you can be sure that the lipids will absorb most of the shock and cushion your fall. love you big butt because it loves you :)

no hole will go unfilled

2009-02-18T18:11:00.000+11:00

hmm.

brotherly love

2009-02-11T16:16:00.000+11:00

its the best kind of love.

NB. i never saw pedigrees of this nature related to humans, only giraffes PRETTY FUNNY BUT.

al gore would be proud of me

2009-02-04T22:10:00.000+11:00

in light of the extreme weather, i found this miserably fitting.

ahaha you can totally see the wrinkles of the paper. ah, well i am currently in anglesea with no internet connection. i guess you guys will figure out how i posted this then :)

Andrew's Tips

2009-01-28T16:33:00.003+11:00

mr. wong is currently in malaysia having from singapore. he sends his regards and will be bringing home or shall we say smuggling home 250g of amphetamines, 5 durians and an indonesian wife. (he's going to indonesia after)

when he gets back he may look a little different. so make sure you arrange to meet him during the day because you might not be able to see him at night (except when he smiles, flash those pearly whites andrew!)

Oh Oh Oh... Obama!

2009-01-21T20:47:00.004+11:00

If you don't get the title, it's a parody of the O'Brien glass advertisements aired >9000 years ago. Anyway. I LOVE OBAMA! Really I went for Mike Gravel, but at least a Democrat is in the house. Woo!

Loathing movies.

2009-01-14T21:00:00.005+11:00

I don't really dislike Star Wars, mind you. I have all six films on DVD. They're nice, but whenever the intergalactic dogfight scenes come on, I cover my ears and pretend there's silence in the movie.

As for 'L Change the World', that is the first Japanese film I've ever watched and it was an absolute stinker.

True Story.

2009-01-07T22:32:00.001+11:00

So afterwards, we put him in a working washing machine, closed the lid, and set the function to 'spin'. At 1000rpm.

resolutions suck

2008-12-31T20:55:00.001+11:00

resolutions are also good if you're obese and want to lose copious amounts of weight. you're doing a favour for yourself, sex partner (heaven forbid that you have one during your fat days) and most importantly the general public! so good on you :D remember if you're not puking, you're not skinny enough!

bomb teh blogosphere does not support or endorse anorexia or any eating disorder in anyway (or do we?). please don't sue us, we just want you to look pretty and for our eyes to stop bleeding. it's because we love you (well we will after you're not fat.)

Merri Kurisumasu

2008-12-24T21:54:00.003+11:00

Okay, if you're a serious person and you cannot tolerate all this liberal atheist filth, please turn away now. Really! Turn away immediately!

Okay cool, now that we got those people out of the way, feel free to look at the comic!

On behalf of everyone here at the 'sphere, I want to wish you all a happy holiday!

stages

2008-12-17T23:19:00.003+11:00

ugh.

2008-12-10T23:58:00.001+11:00

Sorry for this late entry, but 11 PM still qualifies as Wednesday.

It's meant to be like something that happens in a funny film. A character would say one thing, and then there'll be a transition in the film to the scene where the character does something they vowed they were not going to do.

Just a comic about a random thought that occurs frequently in my mind. Enjoy it!

mo's are for ho's

2008-12-03T21:31:00.003+11:00

so glad movember is over, sick of trying to imagine if a guy is hot without his mo'.

never play with your fruit and vegetables

2008-11-26T23:16:00.002+11:00

it was funnier in real life.

Formals Part 2

2008-11-19T21:31:00.002+11:00

I'm sure there was a part one somewhere.

Anyway, in light of my stupid formal some days ago, here's a new comic.

Yep, it's a continuation of the wonderful extra-curricular series, although I'm not really enrolled into any school at the moment.

my excuse but hey

2008-11-12T21:04:00.002+11:00

its so close i can almost smell the smoke from the combustion of so-called textbooks, scrunched up notes and red-stained practice papers.. buuuuuuut it'll probably be a total fire ban day

ps. i forgot to put in the domain D= but you smarties will be able to figure it out ^-^ IF NOT, EPIC FAIL.
pps. andrew is getting hammered at some beachhouse and making me do this the night before chem D= go get him!
pps. he's the one drinking bacardi cruisers nyahahaha

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA

2008-11-05T14:32:00.004+11:00

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to youuuuu

Happy birthday dear Manda

May all your dream become trueee

She's 18 now! Hide!

P.S. This is comic #69! LOL GET IT?

for all those who think math isn't sexy

2008-10-29T20:59:00.003+11:00

lol nah it's not really a given.

sorry about all the innuendo (you know you loved it you horny little mathwhores :D)

Comic #67

2008-10-22T16:19:00.002+11:00

This week's comic is about an issue which is very real... Very... Cereal.

I was walking down the cereal aisle, and I couldn't help but notice that I've pretty much tried every single brand of cereal up til now. There hasn't been any new cereals in the past 10 years!!! So I got thinking, and invented my own.

and now i don't get to eat kraft foods ..

2008-10-15T17:46:00.002+11:00

and she just loves the line: "but there's no harm in believing what they say.."

what's even worse? she forwards really dirty jokes =/ talk about awkwardness..

you never know what goes down in the dirty streets of indonesia

2008-10-08T21:01:00.003+11:00

okay, i know there are sperm donor centres and stuff but literally there were 5 dirty horny-looking men smoking cigarettes in an open stall and there were motorbikes and tins can nearby so i thought maybe they're into the motor stuff, you know, like that man who has sex with cars so i was really scared >.<

it's an addiction

2008-10-01T20:25:00.002+10:00

sorry cj, i had to scale your ears down so that they could fit in the panels :)

anyways here's the comic starring you! (as the sex symbol :D)

maybe sometime in the future mr. leto.

2008-09-24T18:34:00.002+10:00

all the girls want to marry jared leto. sorry let me rephrase, all the girls who are quite evidently mindless, enjoy "men" who wear eye liner and actually think that a lead singer of a rock band will throw their lives away just because you scream the loudest and wave the biggest "will you marry me?" sign .. want to marry jared leto.

well graphite is back, i hope you've all enjoyed the penwork of the ever so classy andrew.

oh and i saw wicked today, 'twas wicked indeed.

ps. to luke: i know this is your favourite band but yeah too bad :) what? you thought i was going to apologise :D? of course not, you know me all too well.

World (?) domination

2008-09-17T20:18:00.003+10:00

Part five of my series of five. HAR HAR I'm free now. Manda you sucka!

Hope you all have enjoyed reading these comics (all... 5 of you?) as much as I have enjoyed penning or pencilling or mechanical-pencilling them.

Blog Domination

2008-09-10T19:57:00.001+10:00

Part four, out of my five contractual agreement.

Enjoy!

Paris Hilton

2008-09-03T22:08:00.006+10:00

HAI GUISE!

Third instalment of the How To Bomb The Blogosphere series. I hope you like it because this could be my favourite one I've drawn for the moment. Drawing comics is hard. You actually need an idea, and, well, I lack them :(

P.S. I've noticed a typo. I forgot to include a 'y' in 'they'. Go! Look for it!

Also, this is for Amanda, who doesn't believe a triangle can have an angle sum >180º

2008-08-27T20:27:00.003+10:00

Bomb the Blogosphere Part 2: What it means to bomb the blogosphere.

Yep it's sexual: sex sells!

Hey guise, listen to Roy and HG's The Golden Ring show. I think they're funny because they make the trivial important, and the important trivial. You can torrent them, or get their podcasts off Triple J.

Bomb The Blogosphere

2008-08-20T21:29:00.002+10:00

I don't actually know the exact formula to bombing the blogosphere, but in this five part series, I'll attempt to disclose some methods which come dangerously close to causing "Pandemic" havoc on the blogosphere.

where the period is (arbitrarily) 365.25 days

2008-08-13T20:59:00.002+10:00

it's sort of lengthy, let's shorten it.. to.. oh i dunno, the word birthday sounds good. happy 18th birthday andrew! may your blah blah be so and so and i hope you this and that and so on and so forth.

and i mean that from the bottom of my heart :D

if only english language could be this easy

2008-08-06T18:51:00.000+10:00

(accidentally posted yesterday lol)

imagine the cartesian plane represents that of ASTC (think of whichever acronym you please)
(we will be going backwards)

today we will be using andy's clever suggestion anal sex takes courage and we all know what a courageous little boy he is.

courage:

pig latinos:
direct translation - pork! bacon! ham! all the things Jews can't eat
connotation - Jewish people don't own pigs because you should only own an animal that you will eventually eat (your time is near, Lassie)

takes:

geekspeak overusers:
direct translation - i should've defeated him by an immense amount but the beginners worked cooperatively to eliminate me. it is incomprehensible that amateurs could annihilate me.
connotation - i am a sore loser who can't accept that i'm not good at DOTA (at all) (or anything else for that matter) GG.

valley girls:
direct translation - oh my god! unfathomable! i distinctly remember wagging my tongue in his mouth first. you promiscuous girl how could you claim otherwise!
connotation - i like being an air-headed whore who competes for guys that may be good looking but probably have tiny cocks or teeth cavities.

sex:

abbreviation pronouncers (not to be confused with pronounced abbreviators):
direct translation - - laughs - oh my god so then i said what the fuck? get the fuck out? but then she couldn't be bothered attending so i promptly left after her.
connotation - i can't be bothered laughing so i'll use one syllable to represent my amusement. there was a party and some shit happened. at said party.

anal:

euphemistic nerds:
direct translation - she gave me an erection.
connotation - nerds like hot girls too.

predictive texting speakers:
direct translation - no fucking way did that bitch sleep with that dickhead of a wanker. oh what am i saying, of course that cunt did.
connotation - one day i wanted to send a very angry SMS saturated with dysphemisms only to find predictive texting wasn't as predictive as i thought.

and there be my analysis.

annie versus ree

2008-07-30T22:09:00.004+10:00

blurred for your convenience.

the moral of the story? drawing comics is hard work and conflicts arise all the time, the ideas are difficult to precisely compose, the drawings are arduously drawn and strenuously brushed up, to be empathetic all readers SHOULD COMMENT. LOL no that's all a slutbag of LIES.

but yes, umm annie versus ree = anniversary for you dumb ass-persons. hehe, so in two days time it will mark the one year of this blag, fags. in celebration, Hunter gives you permission to wag school, tell your parentals to get effed and/or push one or more old hags down a flight of stairs.

happy readingsss!

ps. sorry for not blurry the buttocks i just wanted yew guise to admire the parabolic/hemispherical curves.

fengshui is a load of crock

2008-07-23T21:10:00.003+10:00

and even if there is a correlation i will tell her its all a coincidence :) love you silly mummy.

ASTC

2008-07-16T19:27:00.004+10:00

My favourite is the last one :P

so THAT's how picture book authors came up with such vivid images

2008-07-09T21:26:00.002+10:00

umm 52nd post, so if you suddenly had the brain capacity to do simple math, capacity that was once not apparent to me (what?! me patronise your arithmetic abilities? well i never. that's absurd why would i commit such a self-satisfying crime!), then you would think that this is the post that marks the anniversary of the nuclear holocaust on the blogosphere. well you would be wrong! there have been a few special posts in the past so we're still around 2 posts off the eventful date.

happy readings! or should i say weedings :/

queen of quarto is quirky and queasy quails.

2008-07-02T22:59:00.003+10:00

skyped with the regurgitating andrew today, lovely to hear his homosexual faux pas Pommie accent.

dont forget! less QQ and more PEW PEW!

"soothe my mind balls, art lover."

50th Special Post!

2008-06-25T20:00:00.009+10:00

Yeah I know you all love math jokes. ALL OF YOU! CONFORM DAMMIT!

3 inches is the minimum and i'm afraid "babe" you're only 2.1

2008-06-18T21:26:00.002+10:00

lead was too light so i played around with photardshop =/ not very good as you can see. blame cj it was his lead, i stole some when i held it hostage due to reasons unknown (ditching fellow frangs on tuesdee)

andr0ol will be back next week (not that anyone REALLY cares) for some more shebang gang action, no not really, i have another formal next week. phun.

2008-06-11T20:47:00.003+10:00

Gwen Harwood was a dickhead of uncharted proportions.

Salvation Army

2008-06-04T20:22:00.004+10:00

Okay, I didn't actually do it. It was an idea I thought up and shared between a friend and our co-ordinator on collection day. Seriously though, it was frustrating to knock on a door where people were playing music (like Avril Lasagne) quite softly, yet wouldn't answer the door!

formale, looks prettier and is potentially phonologically correct.

2008-05-28T18:04:00.004+10:00

i'm not meant to look shy in the first panel.

and yes, these are all true :D! it was great fun. not to mention the avoiding of the ex. golden.

oh, apologies for the heavy dialogue in panel 3 it was very necessary (maybe).

andrew will be back next week :)

that is what my dress sort of looked like although i seemed to have drawn myself with more bust LAWL.

Four Prankings and a Formal

2008-05-21T18:20:00.005+10:00

Four things to do at a formal. In conjunction with Amanda's upcoming formal attendance, here are four things that should be attempted at a formal.

6 Big Brother Archetypes are a bother.

2008-05-14T20:39:00.002+10:00

I has me a scanner, so here's my first comic. Specimen Four should be of no indication of my sexuality, but rather an indication of research into the characters of Big Brother. Comments please!

wingardium leviosa is a spell, not an STD

2008-05-07T20:42:00.002+10:00

when it comes to her, you can never win.

my favourite move of the week: CRUCIO! - punches you in the stomach - undoubtedly, everyone's solar plexus has copped a punchful. hrrhrr.

big b is mon ami

2008-04-30T20:59:00.003+10:00

big brother would hate me for all the antics i'd get up to.

Ò_Ó OM NOM NOM NOM!

2008-04-23T22:25:00.004+10:00

seriously its a band: http://www.last.fm/music/%C3%92_%C3%93

listen to the free tracks, they really sit well with tags like: "avantgarde post-everything", "brutal death metal", "not brutal death metal" and the ever-appropriate "wtf"

but honestly how would you say it? would you just put on an angry face?

also, the shoe polishing regime has become an everyday routine. nothing beats sniffing in large quantities of parade gloss fumes. just makes my day.

i'm sorry i was involved with comic drawing misconduct, i know facial expressions are a no-no but let's think of it like they're wearing masks over their nothing-faces.

ps. i'm not sorry. at all.
pps. i am however, sorry for not being sorry :)
ppps. Ò_Ó is ungoogleable :O

major problem

2008-04-16T21:29:00.002+10:00

ahahahahhahahah get it? Major Problem, he's a Major and my brother is in cadets? nevermind.

he's been polishing for 102 minutes to date now.

this just in: "i'm not going to stop until i can see my face in it, i'm not going to stop until people go past me at school and stop to stare at my shoes while exclaiming "OH FUCK ME!""

wonderful, just wonderful.

oh and the comic wasn't EXACTLY like that i must admit i sort of exploited it but something along the lines of "WTF ARE YOU DOING? WHY ARE YOU WATCHING YOUTUBE VIDEOS ON HOW TO POLISH YOUR SHOES?" did occur.

black coded bars are not a family of indigenous people

2008-04-09T22:22:00.002+10:00

an appreciated effort from our beloved andrew, however my internet is now up and working after it insisted on being a male offspring of a female dog. i will leave andrew's post up so that he doesn't get all whiny because we all know how whiny he is (judging on his girl legs LOL). anyways so unless i get sued by the comic site think of it as two comics in a day! win-win.

so anyways, i was reading up on barcodes and it turns out there is a lot of math involved than just placing random numbers on products. in fact, it makes sense that i'm a checkout chick. i scan barcodes, barcodes are mathematically produced, i am mathwhore. there you go. once again the world revolves around my self-growth and preservation.

i kid, i'm not that self-absorbed.

in other news, specialist was such a promiscuous female who regularly has sexual intercourse (for a living) with sexually deprived men.

i love english language. i do not, on the contrary, like ms. kolecki at all and it'd be funny if she googles herself 1am in the morning to find that i am blogging about her.

:|

at least i can spell her name?

2008-04-09T20:54:00.002+10:00

At the request of 'Manda, here's a fine addition to The Bomb!

Sure it's plagiarised, but it's definitely funny!

the sole purpose of a mathwhore

2008-04-02T21:50:00.003+11:00

i must warn you beforehand, this is probably a comic you do not want to read. it is almost pornographic. almost. i kid you not.

but i bet there are those who find it funny (being those of the male gender, yes that was a sexist joke but i guess males are too slow to get it :]) so that's why i'm posting it. also because i have nothing else to post. but seriously just don't read it. i'm so ashamed of my own mathematical abilities :( i am the devilchild, really, that's what i am. i'm sorry. - cries -

- cries -

under 30 dorras not enough la

2008-03-26T22:52:00.002+11:00

NO DISCOUNTED FUEL FOR YOU!

the powers of sex hair

2008-03-19T21:52:00.003+11:00

I'M SORRY (about panel 5) it just occurred to me like some sort of an epiphany.

i hope people get fat on chocolate (this easter) so i appear, once again, slightly anorexic.

ummmmmmmmmmm witch hair and sex hair are interchangable but like antidifferentiation and integration there is a fine line that sets them apart from each othar :]

dunbar is vunderbar

2008-03-12T21:33:00.003+11:00

THE LAWS OF PHYSICS DON'T HOLD IN THE ROOM WHERE BLACK HAT AVENGER RESIDES.

nah he lives in a null gravity chamber heeheee.

for more information visit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunbar%27s_number

and yes, jesus came to me, i settled for a raw and roughly crafted rocking chair, it smells of sandalwood. purdy.

underneath that beard is another mighty fist

2008-03-05T21:22:00.004+11:00

he can sneeze with his eyes open . upon numerous facts yes facts , his feats of unfathomable strength , ability to use his round house kicks for just about anything and his devilishly good looks are not just tall tales , they are real .

CHALLENGE: name anything and we will be able to relate it to chuck norris and his awesome powers .

upon discussion with my inner self , i have decided that this colourful comic may very well be the last one for our majestic "bomb teh blogosphere" unless the following occurs:
a. i am struck with a plethora of witty comic ideas
b. "avid" readers write lengthy comments / essays convincing me otherwise
c. chuck norris roundhouse kicks everyone into reading these ever-so lovely comics
d. someone buys me a tablet
e. jesus reappears at my front door with the offering of a lavishly crafted armoire made from tasmanian hardwood

if all of the above occur i promise to write and draw comics for as long as i live and even perhaps when i am in hell cleaning the devil's pitchfork then stabbing him with it oh oopies .

so long ?

ps. i am the devilchild .
pps. LOL ranga(sp?) chest hair

cheeses , jesus !

2008-02-27T20:36:00.002+11:00

one. portrays me and cj (hünkent) at cowes
two. not a true story entirely, i didn't throw spaghetti on him but we did have spaghetti
three. for those not familiar with 5 in 10 it involves naming 5 things in a particular category within 10 seconds. fun.
four. apologies for the faint panel borders. panel one looks as though a person lost his front half.
five. how weird do i look in panel three right? i know yeah.
six. i tried really hard to make cj taller than me. the heights fluctuate too much. boo.

au révoir.

ps. no one reads anymoar :(

the bloodbath

2008-02-20T21:22:00.004+11:00

this little one shows the two extremes of the spectrum . if you dont get it and judging by statistics , the comics andrew write seemed to be more difficult to comprehend , feel free to badger andrew at i_r_faggot@hotmail.com

haha like thats his email , cmon .

due to the lack of sleep i will write one about camp next week .

cowes was teh awesome !

get your hands on this limited edition pokémon card

2008-02-13T21:05:00.002+11:00

as promised .

brendan nelson , what a gun .

valentines day tomorrow , potatoes for all !

the human pinyata

2008-02-06T16:44:00.000+11:00

firstly , my humble apologies to teohsulfate , due to the festive chinese new year celebrations i did not have time to craft your special edition pokémon card .

secondly , HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR for tomorrow , no one really cares , we just want monies .

and lastly , i hope a certain irrational twat will leave me alone .

perhaps my lovely readers can find the correlation between the comic and current events . if you do , you win a medal !

that is all !

when characters from the bible appear on pokémon cards

2008-01-30T20:34:00.000+11:00

.. then you know the world is becoming a far more better place (bahaha my english is actually very good so STFU)

i for one , wish to know what jesus did in the 25 years take or give that the bible chose to OMIT .

what the writers of the bible fail to realise is that some people , and i must add the awesome ones , would like to know what sort of pieces of art jesus created from the trees mother nature provided him with . were they ergonomic ? did they have back support ? WHO KNOWS , NOBODY .

FREAKIN' SHITS ME .

but if there was a level two pokémon card for jesus the carpenter , one things for sure he would have an attack that would stab other pokémon with razor sharp splinters .

the showdown

2008-01-23T22:28:00.000+11:00

i know not really funny . im sorry .

bahaha NO IM NOT

go fuck off =D !

in other news , heath died .

in other more relevant news , THE HOLIDAYS ARE ENDING HOMG .

boo . well enjoy !

the eureka tower will not be held responsible for any deaths caused by religious experiences

2008-01-16T21:07:00.000+11:00

the skydeck is really naice . we didnt go into the edge , much to our dismay .

i was looking through the binoculars when andrew remarked "wouldnt it be weird if you looked at someone and they were staring right back at you" after that , we starting pointing at the eureka randomly .

anyways this took me ages , drawing jesus 8 times is not particularly easy . also i think he looks more like a jedi or even a hobo .

so andrew is gone . thank god .

he was a pain in the ass .

kidding !

we all want some of that monotonous rage

2008-01-09T22:57:00.000+11:00

HELLO my beloved readers , the lovely mistress awakens from her five-week slumber . i trust that all of you have missed me well and truly and am ready to have a good time with me that you did not ever have with that smelly one .. i forgot his name .. andrew . right .

APOLOGIES for the late late post due to a number of reasons :
1. its hard to give nicholas cage expression when he lacks it completely
2. my scanner was being a bitch and wouldnt connect
3. had to reinstall the bitch thing
4. it paused at 33 % whilst installing
5. chee hun was distracting me with his kentish antics
6. was contemplating whether to scribble a comic in paint
7. the beach sucks seriously its so hot tomorrow who the fuck wants to go there no one .
8. asians like 8 so lucky ah
9. oh shit i forgot to do math today , im sorry math ill do you double tmrw rawr
10. NICHOLAS CAGE WANTS TO HUG YOU RUN .

in other news , tomorrow i will be seeing the masculine andrew for the first time in FLESHHH . to be frank his voice is rather homosexual , he puts on a faux british accent to sound pretentious and could potentially be quite annoying . but thats okay ive seen worse .

he tells me his first line to me is going to be " you looked better online " i suppose i'll have to rebut that or else i shall be ownt . we is heading to the land of knocks so if any (of the 2) fans out there would like an autograph please feel free to meet us at JB HIFI in the emo section where people have indie sex (?! INTERROBANG)

that is all .

Broken Window Now Free with Every Hummer Purchase!

2008-01-02T22:16:00.000+11:00

Hello all! This is possibly the last entry I will make for a very long time, as the saber-toothed tiger that is Amanda, will take the reigns starting next week. I'd like to extend my celebrations to you all for the New Year, and I hope no one here is currently reading this from hospital as they are on an IV drip for alcohol overdose. If you are, sucked in, and all the best for your recovery (and the future of course: good luck finding a liver donor). In lesser news, I'll be heading off on a plane to Melbourne next week, so anyone wishing to print off their favourite comic for me to sign, or, wishing to create a dent in my head with a crow bar, you are more than welcome to do so (that is a lie: if you are reading this with the slight thought of commissioning me with a head trauma, I'll release the powers of THOR against you).

So let's have a look at this week's comic, which is my favourite comic in this five part fantastagasm. The black hat character returns again in the pursuit to usurp revenge against people with the idiotic tendency to qualify themselves for a Darwin award.

Above most things, a certain vice or quality about a person may lie in their taste in cars, and if we represent someone's taste in cars in comparison with their interest in the environment with a Venn diagram, you'd find that people who drive Toyota Priuses, or similar, low-fuel consumption cars, the two circles will overlap to form some sort of harmony. If you were to look at people who drive Hummers, the two circles in their Venn diagram are distanced by about 20 parsecs, which is interesting because if pretentiousness was visible, you'd be able to see those of people who drive Hummer vehicles, from a star in the constellation of Aries.

Let me state some facts. The Hummer vehicles are able to withstand land mines, armour piercing bullets and nuclear holocaust (the golf club Black Hat Guy is wielding is made of anti-matter). In order to enjoy using a Hummer, you'd need an entourage of Cuban mechanics and your very own off-shore oil digger/refinery, as you'll find the Hummer consumes just about as much oil as the country of Laos does in a year, when it is journeying at cruise speed on a highway for three hours. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that you probably need your own satellite, as firstly, you DO have the capital to launch and operate one, and you surely NEED to have wireless Internet/television whilst you're riding your... ride.

Maybe I'm just spiteful, but I hate Hummers and their lead-to-air emissions trait, and anyone who drives a Hummer, for they can suck on my farts and DIE because those who do drive Hummers tend to listen to single-beat doof doof, slut their way through life, and are generally considered society's vermin by the intelligent bourgeois.

The Fact These T-Shirts Exist is Proof God Doesn't

2007-12-26T18:27:00.000+11:00

Despite the fact that the mistress has returned and also brought back with her, her wrath and pointy sharp teeth which she uses to attack people, I shall be writing this week's entry for the comical comic. Firstly, a problem to address: LEAVE ME COMMENTS... please! It doesn't take a minute of your life: you're on holidays anyway. It's sort of like Hollywood depicted sex without the necessary output from a partner, resulting in the creation of an extremely awkward situation for the other partner. That and comments make me happy and tingly.

This week I've chosen a wonderfully hideous topic to discuss. The objects of this topic should really be thrown into a fire, and upon the release of noxious smoke (Because the objects are possibly made in China, they will contain lead paint: for we all know the Chinese have some cynical obsession with lead in everything they use or colour), captured and stored underground along with nuclear waste and Pauline Hanson.

Now I don't particularly have a problem with text shirts, I mean some of them are funny and look nice. Take the Fcuk shirts for example. They're trendy and instantly make people look hot, rich and pretentious. If you turn the periscope around 180º whilst you're in your bunker, you'd be able to see the other side of the field; one which is filled with zombie-like people, suffering from morbid hideousness and wearing extremely unattractive, gratuitous text shirts which spell out words such as "I'manincredibleassholeMySpacewhoreandifyoulocatemyMySpaceyou'dbedestinedtofindpicturesofme-posingwithmycamera".

The only times I've seen this shirt being worn are on the occasional hot-chick with a boyfriend, whose collective intelligence is pretty much the capacity of a slotted spoon; on incredibly unattractive girls who weigh 200 kilos, fell down from the Ugly tree at birth hitting every branch down, then landing on a pool full of Ugly which sticks to their face for the duration of their lives; and on gay men (I have nothing anything against gay men: I am just pointing out my observations).

Unfortunately, little can be done right now to rectify the problem. I was contacted by police this week in regards to my comic promoting the use of fire to hurt people, or to solve a problem, so sadly, by law, I am prohibited to recommend that solution here (do it, do it, do it). Luckily, the problem, like nature, fixes itself. Like the way ozone is replaced naturally, a strange sphere automatically establishes itself around a person wearing such an offensive shirt, eventually suffocating the wearer of the shirt. Darwin was right: survival of the fittest; and in my damn, good opinion, you won't be able to survive for very long if you keep purchasing and wearing these skanky shirts!

The IQ and YOU!

2007-12-19T21:12:00.001+11:00

First and foremost: a loud congratulations extended to all those who have done well in their VCE/HSC. May all of you enjoy and bathe in this unknown aura of glory which seems to emanate from some weird, abstract emotion called happiness. Experiencing happiness, this author has not.

Now a segue! Likewise with tests in academia, the IQ is a powerful tool in determining the intelligence (or possible intelligence) of people in a spectrum of situations. To an extent, and a very possible extent at that too, it could be said that the IQ is comparable to people who congregate at gym showers and compare their penis sizes, ridiculing and pointing out how you lack sexual prowess JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ASIAN AND YOU WERE UNDER COLD WATER!

There are certain "pathogens" which facilitate a change in one's IQ, and to increase one's IQ, intellectual discussions, doing "academic" work, going to school and, or, but not limited to, making art, must be attended or attempted. A larger pool of things which can effect one's IQ include reading gratuitous Hollywood celebrity dross, talking with a Hollywood celebrity, being within 40 metres of Lizzy Lovette (she is a radio host of Sydney's 2DAY FM - Melbourne's FOX - who claims "Australia is a celebrity-obsessed nation"), liking Sean Kingston, liking Rihanna, or thinking concrete mixing is a high-end job. The above things aren't the only actions, thoughts or whatever which lower your IQ, but also the action of watching really bad movies. Perhaps you can consider me as an arts connoisseur, as I try my best to project an image that I have great taste in music and movies.

I dreaded the moment when I placed 'Transfomers' into the DVD tray, for I knew I was going to be in for a very long, very boring movie. (Un)Fortunately, I was correct, and the movie was the second most over-hyped, uncultured, meaningless and over-appreciated movie I've ever came across (first place is possessed by The Incredible Hulk). Maybe it's just me, but I hate action movies and I think they are all stupid since all of them possess footage which violate the laws of physics like rape, vis-á-vis, adult/infant rape. Action films, qua movies, are the lowest common denominator of movies, and I find it quite unbelievable that so many people can enjoy them. Here's an action movie summarised.

1. The main character has an objective
2. The character teams up with an annoying sidekick who partakes on finishing the objective
3. The protagonists meet the antagonist(s)
4. The antagonist performs bad things which induces mixed emotions in the general populace
5. The protagonists find the antagonist(s) and blows their brains out with weapons
6. The protagonists return to their boring lives after they receive congratulatory pats on the back and possible after-mission sex.
7. The objective is not met, and the feeling of killing someone compensates for this failure.

See?

P.S. Safari went disgusting on me, so I'm posting this with FireFox, and it's a whole world of suck. I hate FireFox.app.

Whoever discovered fire was a genius!

2007-12-12T18:04:00.000+11:00

Oh bugger! Oh bugger, bugger, bugger!

This week's comic seeks to address the problem which runs rampant on public transport which originate and carry passengers from either Doleclassopia or Waywestville. It addresses the bogan subculture to scroll through a minute or vast library of ring tones, be it mpeg audio or polyphonic (or, monophonic if you're still stuck in 1998), for the sole purpose of wasting time. Instead of, I don't know, spending a dollar-twenty on a newspaper (they have Sudokus, and they also have the news believe it or not) and actually getting something out of it, they scroll through their ring tones, and grant the public a rare insight into their exceedingly poor choice of songs. Or ring tones.

What's worse is if they have those nasty Sony Ericsson phones which have, fingerquote, speakers built into them, and are marketed directly for their ability to play high trebel, bass-bankrupt sounds, modulated at frequencies only a dog could appreciate. I find it civil and pleasing when someone shares their music to the public or with their group of friends as it allows me to speculate methods of delivering pain and/or destruction to their bodies or their phones. Although atheist and a realist, I sometimes question whether there is an existence of some phantasmagorical force with the ability to explode phones, or at least heat up the wiring connecting the internal speakers in the phone so that they melt and render the speakers useless.

These phones are very popular amongst the Asians in my grade, and I have fallen victim to these monstrosities owned by what appear to be Asian illegal immigrants whilst traversing on trains away from Central. Not only do they play the most disagreeable choice in what they think is music, but their outlandish hairstyles are also eyesores, resulting in further dulling of two of my more valuable senses.

However, there exists a quick fix to these travesties; and these fixes do involve a lot of fun. Upon the advent of fire-control in what was speculated to be 348000 BC (6000BC if you're a Young-Earth evangelist), humans have later been able to exploit fire for its greater uses. One such use includes, well, ironically burning humans. An exemplar of such fun can be found in the filmic production of 'The Thing'. Alternatively, one could turn towards the use of 'Firebat' characters in the realm of StarCraft to highlight just how much fun is attached to use the of fire in wreaking havoc amongst organisms. Bear in mind, however, this comic is to promote the types of fun one can perceive whilst torching another human being alive in the most horrendous way, for the most horrendous deeds!

Bad-Music Act 2007

2007-12-05T18:36:00.001+11:00

Okay, right, how do I get this to work. Testing! It seems okay.

HELLLLLOOO, fellow readers, googlers, stumblers and whoever visited here last time under the search "pipe bomb recipe". Comics are commonly dubbed "the harlot" of the artistic world, as they spread their legs for a plethora of applications. This week's comic's purpose is to support capital punishment for those who listen to, finger-quote, music, of an obscene nature, where the slight utterance of 'this band', or a person's disclosure of, liking 'this band' warrants death: BY LAW. I think Kevin Rudd is passing an act in parliament about this, despite his anti-capital-punishment stance, and it's being debated on at the moment: as we speak (yes, politicians live in parliament house). It's called the Bad-Music-Act 2007, and requires the government to employ sinister, faceless men wearing black top-hats to search for and destroy people with bad taste in music. So, if you listen to 'this band', quickly follow these instructions:

1) Get an axe.

2) Locate hard-drive/iPod/MP3 player/CDs/any form of media which promotes "this band".

3) Introduce axe head to above item(s)

4) Place item(s) in Microwave and zap item(s) for 3... hours

5) Bury item(s)

6) ?????

7) Prophet! ( http://bash.org/?774876 )

creating a more better blogosphere : part 2

2007-11-28T20:05:00.000+11:00

oh fellow fans , how i will miss you so . i will depart the country at midnight . i return on the 2nd/3rd .. im not really sure =s

anyway , ive written a set of 5 comics for your enjoyment whilst i am gone . you will be hearing from the lovely (and bizarre) andrew who will be filling in for me . or maybe he'll just post the comic and not write anything . if he does that hes a twat . yes youre a twat andrew .

anyway , miss me and i'll buy you presents . but unfortunately i can not warm you with my presence ;D

ciaoooooooo lovelies .

ps . IM REALLY SORRY IF YOURE FAT . SERIOUSLY IM SORRY .

creating a more better blogosphere : part 1

2007-11-21T21:08:00.001+11:00

now before you staunch grammarians get all aggro , " more better " was intended . yes you may laugh now . har har .

seriously though the skanks at my school spend all lunchtime in front of the mirrors and i just want to freakin' wash my hands and make my high fives more goddamn hygienic but nooo , they have to hoard the mirrors with their orange plastic faces , elephantine asses , short skirts and hyena-like giggles.

then for some reason they think its cool to deteriorate their lungs and smell like tobacco . slucking futs .

anyway hyah one week until sassy flies (to taiwan) and i guess youre all wondering (no we're not) whether there'll be comics posted up when im gone . the answer my friend is yes . so read up and dont for get to comment !

f is for ..

2007-11-14T17:58:00.000+11:00

FECKIN' FONDUE !

early post today for my fervent force of faithful fans (who fondle fondue fetishly ?) - loves alliteration -

just in the interest of interesting things my inputs were as follows :
1. functions
2. find books
3. folders
4. french revolution
5. fusion
6. fishing
7. finger got cut off
8. fire burnt down the house
9. files
10. figure out things (lol)
11. fitness test
12. fruit

and yes cj did put fondle books i kid you not . he even mentioned it before time started so we all thought " fondle " throught the whole two minutes gah . curses you .

and yes you should play scattergories , it is ever so exhilarating and theres that timer that makes me jump because when times up it goes POP .

and yes i am leaving in two weeks TO TAIWAAAAAANNN . oreos are yummy , homg is this not the second time ive been eating oreos whilst blogging D= and just in interest once more , oreos are now under kraft and not nabisco , another wonderful fact to add to your ever-increasing mound of useless information .

anyways blah blah newstopia is on tonight , said to be better than chasers . i guess we'll see about that .

smell ya laterzzzzzzzz .

come take my hand , together we will journey to conformity land

2007-11-07T21:50:00.000+11:00

so facebook is the latest 3-years-ago fad to wash up on our shores . its enticing games and craptacular format has even lured big sell-out company telstra to incorporate it in its latest traumatic jingle where homes deal (?) sounds like homesdayle .

undoubtably , supré will begin hauling out boxes full of fluorescent t-shirts splashed with the eye-spasm-causing colours reading : I LOVE FACEBOOK .

here i would like to quote the words of a great man and his thoughts on facebook : " i hate it , its a stupid waste of time and is spent by people who write "alot" instead " a lot " "

drink mountain dew and good luck all for egghams !

frankly , slutty is how i like it .

2007-10-31T20:56:00.000+11:00

happy halloween slutmongs !

did i overuse the word " slut " ? hardly .

to all of you this halloween , quoting the words of a great man , his name is barney stinson : " SLUT UP ! "

i doubt many of you will find this side-splittingly funny on account of this comic is laced with how i met your mother intracacies which only avid fans will find laughter in (andypants)

however , cmon most of you have to admit the word " slut " is pretty damn lolful .

seriously though how i met your mother is the epitome of awesome . watch it and there's no turning back . like mountain dew , once you try it you know theres no substitute , its like a party in your freakin' mouth (contrary to what justine thinks)

so now that summer heights high is off air , most of you will only have one thing to look forward to on wednesdays : legendary comics from yours truly

bye !

the grand theory of general sassitivity

2007-10-24T20:52:00.001+10:00

just a few things to clear up :

one . yes david matthews did give me the permission to portray him as a mad scientist . and for those who dont know david , hes the geekiest geek in year 11 (next is probly luke puke)

two . luke wrote this and made me draw it and yes its weird drawing a character who is supposed to represent me because my hair is sassier than a bunch of curvy lines .

three . no im not self-absorbed and no i do not think the world revolves around me ! thats completely absurd no matter how many times i tell you it does revolve around me .

four . farewell to the year 12's (oh god theyre finally gone hooray) hah i kid . no im not kidding , OF COURSE IM KIDDING - laughs forcefully - good luck yew guise .

five . last episode of summer heights haiiiii tonight , be sure to watch or youll get a horrible horrible cancer in your eyeball and it'll make everything look like kevin rudd .

hmm i think thats it , oh and cheeeeeeee told me to make the pictures smaller so i tried that im not sure if it worked so if it didnt then i sincerely invite you to read the following message : i dont fecking care !

a series of unfortunate tetris situations

2007-10-17T19:54:00.001+10:00

tetrisuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu lessthan3 ! blogger wont let me do the "less than" sign on account of it meddles with the html BOOOoooooooo T__T .

so english language lessons are spent playing tetris . whats that you say ? its suss having a calculator in english , why no not at all . so now that we're slacking down in general , that lesson is also dedicated to tetrising , not to mention the time spent "studying" after school , at libraries and of course , during a methods practice paper where undivided attention and concentration is needed .

cheejun (our new avid reader) says : moolah !

bye you .

ps. LAWL look at no. 5 , the gap in between the tetrisu pieces .. it looks like a giraffe ! HEH =D

the feminazis of germany

2007-10-10T22:04:00.000+10:00

so i thought itd be interesting if i drew in green today but turns out its too faint to pick up when i scan it .. boo

so i went over it in pencil which is much of the reason why it is so delayed , then i watched summer heights high which this comic is dedicated to . RIP celine

the title is slightly themed to this weird german guy who added me on skype . he wanted a photo of me , i told him i was allergic to the flash of cameras and thus never take pictures . i then told him i only have drawings of myself but my friends drew me as a man . i dont think he gets it =]

sayonara !

asymptotic behaviour

2007-10-03T21:07:00.000+10:00

this comic (well, venn diagram) was inspired by a day of mathwhoring with my buddies (justine and andy) at state library and an event occurring beginning of this week .

as you can see the comic was co-decorated by messages from the beloved justine and the hated andy heeeheeeeee .

justine insists that even though i did not get much work done , helping her has given me a sense of inner-satisfaction . in return , i am rewarded with unlimited lid (from her water bottle) access , i used them to draw the circles =3

whats that you say ? summer heights haiiiiiiiiii is on . touché .

ps . mathwhores 2^2 ever !

pps . i think the asymptote bit would be more appropriate if it read : approaches nothing but never reaches it . meh same thing !

pete wentz must die , after john tucker of course

2007-09-26T21:01:00.001+10:00

yes we're planning to tie up pete wentz and explain to him in excruciating simple terms that he is creating a larger hole in our pristine blogosphere .

i was going to type more witty material but it seems to have slipped my mind .

julia won ! hooray .. now kids , are you smarter than a fifth grader ?

eating spaghetti turns you into a spaghetti man

2007-09-19T20:50:00.000+10:00

asian mums have an excuse to make you eat ANYTHING .

eat tofu ! it makes your skin soft and smooth like tofu !

yeah so when little children eat jelly they become incredibly bouncy , sweet and vibrant ??!?!? actually i take that back because its quite true .

zai jian !

guaranteed comeback winner

2007-09-12T21:15:00.000+10:00

too dirty ?

other possibilities include headmaster fag muffin and reverend ass giggles

please comment with your own derogatory name ! =D

summer heights high calls .

* btw fyi , this blag took me agesssssssssss ; hopefully it works now !
** YES FINALLY it works . enjoy !

el oh el sixty nine !

2007-09-05T20:26:00.000+10:00

ive actually done that to someone true story . now youre probly wondering what i meant by done that to someone . chucking the chocolate bar ? or yelling random numbers while some poor coles casual is counting away ? i should probly tell you now i was lying about the whole thing but in other news ..

today is a truly great day ! so much awesomatronic tv on thank god youre here , new season of chasers and of course NEW SERIES summer heights high =D must watch

SIXTY NINE SIXTY NINE LULLLLLL !

rb-85

2007-08-29T16:00:00.000+10:00

youd think its cool if you knew your periodic table .

very geeky one this week , written by the ever-so-geeky andrew - clap clap -

and just for you non-chemskanks out thar , rubidium 85 (stable isotope) reacts with water to give an exploding effect .

so yah 8D nao you laughin aint ya .

socks and sexual innuendo

2007-08-22T19:26:00.000+10:00

thar you go little andypants ! (the little guy is you , can you see the resemblance ?)

im on msn steee - rike =D oh and the fans are missing me already

i wonder who will be first commenter this time ? teohsulfaaaaate i hope you wont be beaten =D

thank god youre here time ! baiz0rs .

linguists

2007-08-15T20:37:00.000+10:00

no matter what the title of a book is , liberal linguists will always find something infinitesimally obscure to argue about . just like your mum .

ka ching : the asian experience

2007-08-13T20:44:00.000+10:00

[click to enlargeee]

i meant click the picture not the word enlarge .__.

hello all

yes i know my days and today is certainly not a wednesday =o

so why , why is there a comic (not really a comic just a .. picture of something) posted , well well well .. it is BECAUSE ..

today is ANDREW (yes the other writer) 'S CAKEDAY (birthday)

yay yay happy birthday to you la
hey yew i heard your berday hepi berday
happy birthday asswipe

blah blah SO , heres a comic for YEW GUISE just cos its HIS birthday ! completely irrelevant but nonetheless highly rewarding

so anyways this is for you andrew ! YOURE OLD NOW D=

try it some day

2007-08-08T18:31:00.001+10:00

and then i was like omg no way sers mang ?

and you guys were like hurry up and put up the goddamn comic

and then im like no i cant im trying to twist this untwistable oreo

anyways this is an asian classic , i know yeah

parents dream : child becomes lawyer / accountant / doctor

childs dream : write really good webcomics and make really funny tshirts with mathematical related humour / make tv jingles / think of new pokémon

today is 08/08 must be a lucky day for asians mm ?

superman burns

2007-08-01T18:45:00.000+10:00

the much anticipated wait is over (what anticipation?)
andypants clearly pointed out to me that there is a flaw because superman lives in metropolis and not smallville . WELL SUPERMAN HAS A NEW SUPERPOWER : being in two places at once
hence the comic is very plausible .
enjoy and leave a comment or go die .
ciaoski ^-^